Those Who Stuck With Me

So many memories. Since 2012 I've been learning what I'm truly made of, my metal. So many days I wanted to quit, desperately wanted to quit. When my meniscus avulsed, I had no idea what had just happened. I knew it hurt. Initially I thought maybe I just pulled a muscle. I tried to 'stretch' it out, relieve the pain. 😂 I finished work. Walking was tough. I'd never been hurt like this to know what I was experiencing. I thought I should be tougher, suck it up. Come to find out later, the meniscus had totally avulsed. Shouldn't this happen when making aggressive moves, playing football, or skiing our challenging mountain, not twisting, and standing up from a sitting position? 😂

 

Anyway, I learned how tough I am. White knuckling wasn't going to make this better. Though the pain subsided, my knee wasn't getting better without surgical intervention. 

 

Surgery was performed and successful. Surgery was the easy part. Recovery was a beast. I didn't get paid if I wasn't working, so, I was back to work within a few days of surgery. On one leg. 

 

I live upstairs. I take laundry to town. Every week. I shop for groceries. I style my ton of hair. I dust and vacuum, prepare meals. Maggie Rose still needed her routine. I did it.

 

On one leg. 

 

Alone.

 

I would've been a miserable cow if anyone had been in my orbit during that time. I needed to do this. Alone. 

 

I'm tough.

 

I didn't want to be tough.

 

I did what had to be done. 

 

Challenges over the last eleven years have made me better. 

 

I'm a fighter. Not only for others. This time I fought for me. It is not selfish to fight for oneself. 

 

Today I get up, I give it my all. I remember where I've been. I remember past battles to remind me how far I've come and what I'm capable of.

 

I remember those who stuck with me during the ugliest, darkest time of my beautiful life. 

 

I see you. 

 

I will NEVER forget you. 

 

I love you.    

 

D

 

From September 19, 2019:

 

First day back to work started a little something like this...

 

Coffee prepared, lid firmly in place, tucked in my pajama pants at the waist. I take two steps with crutches, BAM - that badass core of mine tossed my coffee onto my floor. Thank goodness it wasn’t down my pants. I take a deep breath and clean up the mess, on one leg. 

 

Arriving at work, walking from the parking garage to the boutique felt like The Green Mile. 

 

Don’t think about it, just take one one-leg hop at a time. It’s not going to get any easier unless you do it, D. Just. Do. It. 

 

First day back finally draws to an end. Breathe. 

 

I swear, except I try not to swear, my sides have diaper rash from cursed crutches. And surprisingly I’ve not considered throwing the stupid things one time. (Probably because this would mean I’d have to hop over to retrieve the SOB’s.)

 

I’m lying in bed, propping my badass self up on ice bags. 

 

Exactly one week down, today. Only 5-7 more weeks to go. Doctor said it would be hard. When someone in Jackson tells you it’s going to be hard, you better believe it’s going to be hard. People are tough here, really tough. Never quitters everywhere. 

 

Do you remember boot camp (or ski fit in the gym) and hopping back and forth on one leg over the yard line? Well, that little drill comes in handier than algebra, most days. Seriously. Instead of a minute or two, x6, it’s a day long drill. What are you made of, ya old broad? 

 

Attitude D, it’s all about the attitude. 

 

Don’t cry.

 

I’m not crying. 

 

So much going on in Texas but worrying accomplishes nothing. Zip. 

 

Everyone and everything will be fine. 

 

Hug me, Maggie Rose. I need a hug.