Ugly and Poor

"I'm in the medical field."

 

"Oh, are you such-and-such?" 

 

"I can be anything you want me to be." 

 

I met my match. 

 

Him: Would you like to meet for coffee?

 

Me: I can't. I have pinkeye and walk with a limp. 

 

It was true.

 

I dislocated and broke my pinky toe while visiting family.  

 

Just call me grace. 

 

And now I had pinkeye. 

 

Who wants to meet someone for the first time looking like that? 

 

"But you don't drink coffee with your toe or your eye," a well-meaning friend encourages me to meet this gentleman.

 

I'd recently had a date with a Texas man who informed me over a fabulous dinner that he usually only dated "very beautiful women." He repeated his statement in the event I might be obtuse or perhaps deaf to his first declaration. I became nauseous. 

 

Sigh... 

 

I wasn't quite sure I wanted to date again. 

 

"It isn’t 'Texas stuff' that has caused you issues with men. It is men of a certain character (or lack thereof) that you have met," well-meaning Texas man-friend imparts wisdom. 

 

To prospective medical field date, I confess, "Wealth, looks, intelligence is the trifecta, the trifecta I’ve decided to avoid. Along with pathological, narcissistic tendencies. I'm looking for the smart janitor type." 

 

"I hate to hold anyone's looks (and you've got 'em) or wealth (you probably have this as well) against them. Intelligence (and integrity) are traits I most value in a man."

 

He promised me he was ugly and poor. I'd seen his pictures. He may be poor but he certainly was not ugly. 

 

He persisted, and eventually won. I enjoyed drinks with him the following night.  He played nice; he charmed me. But I'm telling you, if he'd talked about only dating very beautiful women who do not have pink eye, I would have hurt him.

 

When I walked in the restaurant we exchanged pleasantries, he paused, "You are beautiful." 

 

From "I only date very beautiful women" to "You are beautiful."

 

I'll go with the doctor's opinion versus the engineer, though truly I fall somewhere in between the two differing opinions.

 

Beauty is definitely in the eye of the beholder. Texas gentleman at one point produced pictures of his ex. She was not "very beautiful." Maybe beautiful in a barroom queen kind of way. 

 

That sounds catty and it isn't nice. I don't know her. And I'm not her judge. She left him so I'm thinking she's a smart woman. The point being, if you asked me my definition of very beautiful and gave me three choices to affirm what I view as beautiful, I would not have chosen her. Nor would I choose me. My looks are odd, different, nothing exotic about them. So, doctor-man must like odd, different ducks, to declare me beautiful. 

 

The ugly toe incident had been remedied, just needed time to heal properly. My eye was better by the time I met Dr. Date. 

 

There's not often a dull moment, thank goodness, in my world. When things are dull, I think, "Blah, look at my life." 

 

Like Texas weather, give it a day.

 

To my friends, vintage and young, your worth isn't in how others view you. Your worth is inside you. Kind, loving women are never ugly. 

 

If a man lies from the starting blocks, let him go. If a man passive-aggressively drops thoughtless comments, let him go. If a man is wishy-washy in declarations, let him go. 

 

I love men, GOOD men. My words aren't meant for all men, only men who perceive themselves the one true judge of all women, the final authority. (My wise words can also be used for gentlemen searching for perfect ladies.) 

 

The lesson here is if someone isn't your cup of tea there's no need to list flaws and such. Move on. Most humans know their shortcomings. We know we aren't perfect. Personally, I'm probably not going to respond with fury and vitriol. I'd rather carry on with dignity and respect though they very well may not be deserving of dignity and respect. 

 

Doctor friend was pure gentleman, fun, generous, and I wasn't ready for him at that point in my life.

 

(His plane was gorgeous. He lied. He wasn't poor. But I still liked him. Good man.)

 

Sigh ...