Voice

"But D, you're from Texas!"

 

Words spoken to me when confessing my reluctance to stand up for myself, use my voice.

 

She's not wrong. 

 

Defending others, sword worthy defense, has never been a problem. 

 

Using my voice for me? Ha!

 

I share with her, "I have two gears: (1) Be nice (2) I'm gonna mess you up."  

 

"I can see that," she laughs.

 

Thinking about our conversation, self-analyzing, it's rather simple, to me. Fortunately or not, I'm nice to a fault. If for whatever reason I'm pushed, usually after months or even years, BAM 💥. Personally, I feel nice should work. Understand, however, once nice doesn't work, I'm done. 

 

What have I learned over my lifetime? Even as adults there are those who talk big and yet run and hide behind the one they've always counted on to fight their battles. When the fighters (seldom) need an advocate, those individuals are rarely found; they are in hiding, peeking from safety of coward positions. 

 

This friend? I believe her to be solid. And she's right. I am from Texas. Texas chooses battles carefully.

 

I'm finding my voice which can be frightening for some. Just know, Texas doesn't lay down and roll over...unless playing possum.