Bullies

David Spade was working a local business today. Not really. David Spade's obnoxious, louder, taller, twin (Saturday Night Live version).

A child, probably six years old, wanted to purchase a banana. Spade asks the child, “WHERE’S YOUR MONEY???” The child lays his change on the counter. “HOW MUCH YA GOT??? COUNT IT.” I was hoping DS was a Math Whisperer, that he knew this child, and he was going to encourage the child. He did not. The child fumbled around, ducked his head, looked at me, the works. I was livid. Finally, I couldn’t take anymore. I step over to the child and ask him if he wants to make this moron feel stupid. (I KNOW I should not have used these words.) The child looks at me and shakes his head yes. I tell him we aren’t going to be disrespectful (too late for me), and we are going to count the money. And we did. He started to count using his little fingers but stopped and looked at me as if I might disapprove of using fingers to count. I told him it is all right, go ahead, use your fingers. He continued counting. He was a penny short. (DS probably knew this going in and the humiliation would have continued. I gave DS the benefit of the doubt in the beginning. I was completely out of benefits at this point.) I explain to the child he is a penny short, but guess what? I have a quarter. Here ya go. I tell him three quarters is always 75 cents (the cost of the banana). I ask him for a high five. He slaps my hand and jubilantly gets his banana. After the child walks off, I tell Einstein I was not good at math. He tells me, “yeah, they have to get over it.”

No sense arguing with stupid.

He’s had more practice.