Last time I saw a good looking man with potential I’d misunderstood the memo for work. I dressed in warmup bottoms, huge T-shirt, no makeup, and a Texas A&M baseball cap, camo. I thought I would be in the bowels of the basement, and I was excited at the prospect. (Reading a text message twice is probably a good idea, especially when one initially wakes from sound slumber.) I was a hot mess. And this man is problematic, he renders me speechless, basically unheard of, me speechless. I rendered him speechless the first time, we just can’t get it right. I’ve blown that opportunity right out of the water.
Today’s clothing was similar, the same huge T-shirt, pajama pants, an ugly bun falling from atop my head. I’m cleaning and organizing a storage closet. I want to finish, as I have a workout date with Texas friends via Zoom shortly.
Maggie barks. When Maggie barks, she has a reason. Our door’s open letting in the last of a gentle breeze before sun beats down on our balcony. A tall gentleman asks if he and his friend can ask me a few questions. Me? About pandemics or organizing?? I have no clue.
Well mannered uniformed officers, I shake my head, what the heck. Let me get a hat...not, let me put on some real pants, but let me get a hat. 🙄 A multitude of sins can hide beneath a hat.
I tell them they’re welcome to come in, but the next time nice looking officers want to ask questions, they need to call first. One gentleman, I’m not sure which, mumbles, “uh, thank you.” 😂
Before I had my hat straight, I’m quite sure they realized I’m not the 33 year old they’re looking to talk to. I suspect my former [evicted] neighbor would be the one they really want to talk to, eventually.
At any rate, upstairs, who were chatting it up a few minutes prior, were suddenly ‘not home’. As a mama, my first thought is “come out here and talk to these men, show some respect”. Or pull a Mrs. Kravitz, stick my head in the door, “hey you guys, come here, I have something I want to show you.” Or maybe just straightforward, get your ass out here NOW.
Straightforward is always best.
Wasn’t my place.
Really the lesson in all this is how to meet a man or two in 30 seconds — dress like poo, like you own nothing but holy tees, spiritual AND holey, and pajama pants. No makeup, clean hair piled high like a bird nest. Go ahead and wear a nice pair of hoops, along with a touch of lipgloss. See? I’ll give you the best advice, and have you on your way with a new beau lickety split.
My eyes received a little treat today, and theirs did not. They met Pandemic Starving for Companionship Debbie. Poor things. I should’ve offered to bake something for them, or not.
I’m here for you, I’ll hook you up, ladies.
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