When I'm out and about, people often share getting-around tips with me. I'll now share with you.
One nice lady told me how to get a bottle of wine and a nice wine glass to my seat of choice. Get a shopping bag, load your corkscrew, bottle of wine, and glass into the bag, or if you prefer a cup with a screw top lid (made me think of sippy cups). Hang the bag from your neck and mosey to the sofa. She is so elegant, I laughed way too hard as she was giving me tips. I just couldn't picture it without laughing.
Another lovely person was on crutches, the fanciest things I've every seen. Here, try one, she tells me. OMG, these are fabulous, I reply. They are not expensive, only X amount of dollars. Oh dear, cost is relative. Here's the deal, I earned me a set of those crutches. Two weeks in, hobbling around, irritating my chest, yeah, I'll order a set of magic crutches. From Amazon's product features: "Articulated saddle design pivots and rotates in tandem with body movement and features 1 ¼” of built-in dampening. It maintains full contact and will not abrade the soft tissue." Dang straight. I'm tired of abraded soft tissue. I didn't know how much I could love an inanimate object. Perhaps if I'd started out with the Cadillac of crutches I wouldn't appreciate them as much. See? Gratitude. Mobilegs—I'm fancy. (I should receive a commission. A man stopped me in the lobby of the ortho office and asked if I like them. My response was ohhhh yessss. Poor man had a mattress-looking set of something duck taped to his ugly crutches. Bless his heart. I bet he's already ordered a pair.)
One gentleman hangs his laundry basket around his neck, running a loop of fabric from side to side so he can wear it as a barbaric neck piece.
I decided hanging a ton of laundry around my neck isn't a good thing. What type physical therapy will I then need? Solutions often come with a new set of problems. No thanks.
When one is a 3-4 feet from a light switch, refrigerator, or a door needs closing, use crutches as an extension. Go Go (Inspector) Gadget kinda deal. I can move a computer, icebag, water bottle all in 5.2 seconds, using a crutch to my advantage.
One of my Army friends suggested a dog & cat tandem sled. Maggie and George are having no part of it. (I might have replied with sarcasm.) He also had the wherewithal to describe a heck of a steak dinner. Sounded so good. That type meal cost an arm and a leg here in Jackson, I tell him, and right now I can’t spare either.
Handy dandy tips for your evening.
I hope you never need them, however, working body parts are worth every day on crutches.
You can thank me later.
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