Mercy

The MRI is a done deal. Meniscus tear, as suspected. Really not a big deal, tears happen often, especially to active individuals. So today I learn of the not so good news - root meniscus. Smaller percentages are root tears. I am SO angry. Things will work out. In the mean time I’m really, REALLY angry.

 

I didn’t do anything to cause this, stood up one day and BAM, it locked up on me. Thought I could walk it off, walked to the Cantina, didn’t think I would make it back to my desk. It hurt. Tried stretching my hammies and glutes, because aren’t they always part of the problem? I can be a dumb ass some days. 

 

I do notice I twist my leg getting out of the car, this and other pesky bad habits, so there are contributing factors, more likely than not. 

 

 I follow a couple Olympic athletes on Instagram. Their determination and dedication after repeated, serious injuries is super human. I’ve learned if you work hard you can overcome anything. Rehab - follow your rehab to a T. And super important - you can do these things IF you have the $$$. Dollars is a big one. 

 

There is no reason for any of us to sit on our butts and spread like peanut butter on whole grain bread. Get out, work out, do things that give you pleasure, make you happy. If thoughts of working out doesn’t give you pleasure, get over it. You will be glad you pushed yourself when you’re finished. If you don’t get out now, your body will pay even more, with injuries, atrophy, and a lousy, dreadful quality of life. 

 

A former CFO for Boeing once told me, “Never sit in the rocker.” This person didn’t mean to not enjoy a rocker occasionally, rather, don’t park IT in the rocker. Stay active, very active. 

 

Life always works out. I will figure out how best to proceed with surgery and rehab. And freakin’ crutches. 

 

“I will order pain medication.” Um, no. If I need pain meds, I will ask. And can anyone who knows me well imagine me on pain meds at work? Rhetorical...

 

”Use crutches.” Um no. I will for rehab, but not until necessary.

 

I’m not in pain, after the acute stage. It’s been more than two months, long enough to have it drained and injected twice. It needs a third round, but because of what the MRI reveals and the fact treatment isn’t lasting significantly longer, surgery is indicated. It swells, the knee swells. It’s butt ugly. When I try to squat to look for things at work, I can’t, it’s tight, the pressure isn’t good. 

 

Is there a black market for draining a knee and injecting steroids just one more time? Y’all let me know. I practically begged for this, to get me through until I can schedule surgery. No. The answer was a firm no. 

 

My employer is good to me, and I will not put her in a bind. 

 

Government health is a life saver. (If you’d EVER told me I would be on government health, I would tell you you’ve lost your mind.) I am infinitely grateful for government health. I don’t work with less enthusiasm than the best employee, I give it all, I just happen not to have benefits. So, when you look at people, perhaps pass a little judgement, think of it like this: when I went back to college at 53, we studied the genome project (fascinating) in anthropology. Trying to choose the genetic makeup of a person based solely on outward appearance is a tad ignorant. The same holds true with life experiences. We simply do not know by appearance, what others are experiencing, or have experienced.

 

Do not judge.

 

Have mercy. 

 

Pray. Pray for the one I have to speak to often, the one who has a crackling, vocal fry voice, which grinds my nerves to dust. Suck. It. Up. Use your diaphragm, that voice is NOT cute, or soothing. I want to cut my ears off. And for the love of all that is good, do NOT be condescending. Again...Do not be condescending again. 

 

Please and thank you. 

 

I like blue cheese. I’m going to enjoy some blue cheese.